2009 Miss Universe Japan

First, let me say that if I have earned ANY of your trust over the course of our relationship, believe me now because what I’m about to tell you may very likely seem unbelievable. But it is 100% true…

I was VIP @ the 2009 Miss Universe Japan Pageant!

See? Seemingly unbelievable, but oh so true! Avid Reader, I got to attend the most amazing event of a lifetime when I was offered an MSN Sponsor VIP Pass to the pageant… and it did not disappoint! In an effort to synthesize my thoughts and not to ramble on with words like “AWESOME!”, “AMAZING!”, and “CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!”, I hereby provide my analysis in three buckets:

1. Pageants are OH.MY.GOD.AWESOME!
The gowns! The lights! The music! The heels! The production! The swimsuits! … and lingerie! … and bikinis! It was non-stop glam and seriously amazing. I was in cultural heaven – not only being at a significant event for the country of Japan and for the Japanese, but also by being immersed (in the 14th row!) in the world of pageantry. I nearly want to get more involved now!

What also made it amazing was also the fact that it was a serious trannymess. While the production value was extremely high, the logistics were a nightmare. Case in point, for the bikini portion of the event, the Top 5 were required to walk in 5” heels (seriously, check out the heels, particularly on the uber skinny contestant as an example) down a set of stairs toward the audience, strike poses, then get out of the way… all during an incredible aria by a famous Japanese opera singer. Her song started, she amazed us for ~2 minutes, then the contestants paraded out one at a time. Unfortunately, the song was over before the 5th woman had her turn, so she had to do her entire – and near impossible – stair descent and pose routine to DEAD SILENCE in front of 5,000 people. No joke. Which brings me to…

2. It takes a Special Someone.
Is as much as I believe I could rock a pageant… with a full head of hair… um… and with some grace… oh, yeah,… and if I were a woman… I’m now convinved that it takes someone much more special than I even think I am. The gowns! The posing! The three skimpy outfit numbers! The lip-syncing to English songs I have never heard before! The confidence to go about it regardless of how silly it seems! Friends, the next time you run across someone who says they’ve participated in pageants – no matter how young or old – hug this contestant. You are in the presence of someone completely different than you or me. And quite frankly, they may just be better people than us for they’ve done the impossible -- and impossibly ridiculous -- completely on purpose.

3. Ode to the Impossible
And speaking of the improbable, I would also say that, for some of the contestants, dancing is 100% impossible. It nearly pained me to have to watch some of these women prance around pretending to have any sense of the skill. And for a stunningly graceful culture, I’ve never seen so many man hands. My own personal hell – and keep in mind that I am a song-on-repeat kind of guy – was when we had to watch each of the 10 finalists do a 3-4 minute routine with a band of silly sailors. TO THE SAME DAMN SONG! 10 finalists x 3.5 minutes = > ½ hour of pinching myself HARD. To something about ‘being a daddy’s girl… who makes her feel so…’ Two words: night mare. That said, I was nothing short of impressed with the Chicago number by all 20 contestants in their slinky lingerie, but the individual routines would have had my friend Charles Newton demanding his VIP money back! That said, I still must refer to principle #2 above.

But, you can see for yourself! Check out highlights from the pageant itself -- and meet the winner, Emiri Miyasaka, 2009 Miss Universe Japan:


Bottomline, Avid Reader, I got to see Miss Universe Japan crowned and will oddly now feel I have some skin in the game when it comes to the Miss Universe Pageant as she competes with our own Miss Universe USA (Miss North Carolina for those keeping track at home) for the ultimate crown this summer. And I believe Miss Universe Japan is definitely counting on me. She told me so with her eyes. Oh yeah. She saw the lens. She knew who her daddy was.

No, really I could be her daddy. And, as any proud papa would do, I offer this fatherly advice: find a dance instructor. STAT. Just sayin’.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Now that I think about it (a near-week later!), she didn't actually get a crown! Granted, she won a car and a lot of large pieces of cardboard with Japanese characters on them and a body-size bouquet of flowers, but no crown! God, I'd be so pissed.

And, should you wish to enjoy my entire 2009 Miss Universe Japan photo collection, click here. Crazy, no?! Seriously... CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!